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Reviews of Arleta James’ Brothers and Sisters in AdoptionSpring, 2009 issue of NACAC’s Adoptalk Every once in a while a book comes along and so expertly fulfills a need that you wonder what you ever did without it. Arleta James’ Brothers and Sisters in Adoption: Helping Children Navigate Relationships When New Kids Join the Family is one such book. Everyone in the adoptive family has a voice–including too often ignored adoptive fathers and typically developing developing siblings. Chapter 4, “Getting to Know Him: Dads in Adoption,” is written by Neil Tift, and adoptive father and founder of the Father’s Resource Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Mr. Rift carefully outlines the key differences between mothers and fathers, and suggests how fathers can best process and address issues raised by adopted children who have special needs. Chapters 9 and 10 tackle the complications of “Becoming a New and Different Family.” In an easy-to-read and non-judgmental style, Ms James informs adoptive families about th importance of developing realistic expectations, acquiring effective coping skills, maintaining a healthy emotional climate, processing grief, creating a support system and addressing mental health needs, and celebrating the positive aspects of adoption. Chapter 10 closes with a story from Ava, a young woman first in Chapter 5. Adopted at 13 after years of abuse, neglect, a series of foster homes, and two residential placements, Avea was not about to make life esy for her single adoptive mom. Now 20, Ava writes:
Using honest examples and case stories, Ms James lets readers know that they are not alone, and are not the first to feel as they do. Better still, she explains numerous techniques for confronting challenges, lists valuable resources, and acknowledges that family life may not get any easier when an adopted child reaches nominal adulthood. Workers can use Brothers and Sisters in Adoption for training or to expand their knowledge of adoptive family dynamics. Agency administrators can learn how certain policy changes would enable the agency to better serve families. For guardians ad litem, therapists, residential treatment center staff, occupational therapists, teachers, and others who work with adoptive families, the book is a complete Adoption 101 course. Through chapter titles and clearly marked subheads, parents can learn more about issues that affect their children, gain insight into families who share their struggles, and access practical suggestions. Suggestions range from practicing yoga, to employing healthy pre-placement visit practices, to preserving the typically developing child’s place in the family. Ms James is cognizant of time and money constraints, and many of her ideas can be adapted to accommodate any schedule or budget. Armed with the knowledge in this book, no one should ever again say, “I didn’t know,” “no one told me,” or “nothing can be done.” As the book Gray’s Anatomy is to doctors and Black’s Law Dictionary is to the legal field, Arleta James’ Brothers and Sisters in Adoption will be to foster and adoptive parents and child welfare professionals. My advice? Don’t leave your home or office without it. Regina Kupecky
March/April 2009 issue of Adoptive Families magazine Arleta James, a clinical therapist at the renowned Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, has created a rich resource for any parent or professional who is invested in adoption. Sibling issues are the focus of Brothers and Sisters in Adoption: Helping Children Navigate Relationships When New Kids Join the Family (Perspectives Press; $30), and topics like preparing waiting siblings and discussing difficult details are explored in depth. But the book’s scope extends beyond the title. James offers a wealth of information for the entire continuum of adoption, from the initial considerations (Are we the right family for this child?) to the wait to post-placement. Adding a child to a family is never a seamless transition, and James offers realistic advice to help parents prepare for all the challenges they’ll face–transferring an older child’s possessions, maintaining a sense of routine for the children already at home–while assuring sensitivity and respect for everyone involved. There’s a chapter on dads–what they may be thinking, the roles they play, and the incredible impact they have on our children. One section explains how children’s grief varies at each age, and how parents can help them heal past trauma, as well as how siblings can learn to understand what their new brother or sister has experienced. Perhaps the book’s most important contribution is its view of joining a family “through the eyes of the child.” In one exercise, James helps the reader imagine what the child (or sibling) might be feeling, thinking, or expecting. Becoming aware of what it would be like to be taken somewhere new or foreign can deepen a parent’s understanding of the child’s experience. Ms. James writes with empathy and deep passion for what the child, and every member of the family, experiences before, during, and after the adoption process. The book is a must for those seeking knowledge and tools for creating strong, loving families. Reviewed by JoAnne Solchany, Ph.D., March 10, 2009 Adopting the Older Child Blog This is the new book in adoption and with good reason. It is a basic primer for those contemplating adopting an older child, whether or not they already have children. Despite what the title implies, I would recommend this book to those who don’t yet have children as well. Organized and readable, this book is thorough yet not overwhelming…quite an accomplishment for a book that covers issues ranging from transracial adoption to mental health issues in adoption and even features a chapter dedicated to Dads and adoption. One of the strengths of Brothers and Sisters in Adoption is the use of a key symbol for key ideas and the use of dialogue boxes for the thoughts/perspective of siblings. The use of these streamlines the book, keeping it readable while ensuring that important concepts don’t get lost. This is not a brief book, but with good reason. James covers all the major bases and provides suggestions for further reading in the Resources section at the back of the book. One note: this is a good basic overview for those new to older child adoption. It does not attempt to provide in-depth coverage of the myriad topics it touches upon, but again, does provide information about further resources. Written in the style of Deborah D. Gray’s Attachment in Adoption, the book uses case studies, bullet point lists, and graphics to illustrate points. This is a well done guide to help prepare both parents and families for all the possible contingencies that may arise when an older child joins the family. And you don’t need to have kids to get something out of it. Robin D. Hayes, PhD
March 2009 Issue of “Wisconsin Bookwatch” and “Internet Bookwatch” Often the question of adoption will involve siblings. When experienced parents consider adopting an older child or a sibling group they must go through a series of requirements imposed by adoption agencies that will include background checks, interviews, group meetings, reading assignments, as well as classes in parenting and the problems associated with adopted children. Often the children themselves with have a history of neglect or trauma that must be addressed. Drawing upon her many years of experience and expertise as a Cleveland, Ohio-based clinical therapist whose specialty is adoption and foster care, Arleta James has authored Brothers And Sisters In Adoption: Helping Children Navigate Relationships When New Kids Join The Family, a compendium of advise, counsel, information, and commentary that deals with a roster of vital issues ranging from developing realistic expectations about the adoption process and the readiness of the family to adopt siblings; the role of fathers in adoptive families; as well as child displacement, disruption and dissolution issues. Of special note are the chapters on family mobilization and issues related to adopted children turning 18 and becoming adults in their own right. Enhanced with a glossary, references, an index, and a number of pertinent appendices, Brothers And Sisters In Adoption is highly recommended reading for anyone one considering the adoption of older children, distressed children, and siblings, making it an ideal and invaluable addition to personal, academic, community library, and adoption agency reference shelves. February 15, 2009 issue of Library Journal James, Arleta. Brothers and Sisters in Adoption: Helping Children Navigate Relationships When New Kids Join the Family. Perspectives. Apr. 2009. c.544p. index. ISBN 978-0944934-35-7. $30. PSYCH “Therapist James, who has many years of experience as an adoption professional, presents a superb, exhaustive handbook on adoption that fills a void in the literature. She focuses on issues surrounding families, with children who are flourishing, considering adopting children who have experienced complex trauma, including abuse, neglect, or abandonment. She delves deeply into the mental health issues of these children, which can be complicated by the existence of other adopted children. She concentrates on navigating the emotionally trying dynamics of the relationships among children who are thriving and those who are struggling, underscoring the needs of the typically developing children. Throughout the book, James includes stories of the adoptive families she has helped in her sessions. Numerous additional appendixes include a super preadoptivetraining model for typically developing children, an adoptive family safety contract, and an extensive listing of additional resources. This scholarly review of the adoptive literature combined withsolid, pragmatic, and professional advice is a superb guide to a specialized topic. Required reading for all helping professionals working withchildprotective services or with adoptive families.” Dale Farris, Groves, TX September, 2008… “What a courageous treatment of the issues in adoption. Arleta James dares to talk about the day the family becomes immobilized-that dark secret in child welfare that only the families themselves have, in the past, seemed capable of acknowledging openly. After walking with the reader through those depleting and terrifying days, she takes us to re-mobilization and renewal. She gets us to the place that families want to be, without overlooking the excruciatingly tough middle part.” Michael Trout, Director “Don’t let the title of this book fool you! Arleta James has written a book not just about Brothers and Sisters in Adoption, but about the dynamics of any family formed by adoption. This approach to how a child’s past influences his blending into family dynamics is comprehensive, yet not bogged down with academic details. Examples from Arleta’s work as an attachment therapist are interwoven into the narrative to enrich this thorough, yet fast read. If you are working with families as they start the adoption process, put this at the top of the reading list. If you are a family seeking to grow through adoption, read this now, then again and again. If your family was formed through adoption years ago, this book will help you navigate the challenges of growing together as a family. This is an important tool for all who work in adoption to have at the forefront of one’s professional and personal library. Deborah Borchers, MD “Arleta James has captured so much of what actually happens in adoptive families in Brothers and Sisters in Adoption. Children who are already in the adoptive family often are exposed to difficult situations when parents decide to add a child to their family, and James addresses the issues head-on. This book will become the Bible for those families who choose to bring children into their existing families and for those professionals with whom they work.” Gregory C. Keck, Ph.D. “Don’t be fooled by the title! Yes, this book is about brothers and sisters but it is also a most comprehensive look at adoption. The title could just as easily be Realistic Expectations About Adoption,hearing the stories of all members of the family. It explores pre and post-adoption as well as the psychological time-line of moving from immobilization to mobilization, and it includes many resources that would benefit all members of the adoptive family. Being comprehensive, it explores strengths and weaknesses, joys and challenges, moms and dads, brothers and sisters. This book should be an important guide for assisting families in making their ongoing journey of adoption. Dan Hughes, Ph.D. Author of Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children, “Arleta James has managed to write an engaging book that is so comprehensive that it may attain the status of a signature text.Arleta skillfully combines a scholarly review of the literature with numerous vignettes or stories which illustrate and educate so that the reader sees the situation or the problem through the eyes of the story teller. The perspective of the child adopted internationally or domestically, resident siblings, fathers, and mothers is so illustrative that an understanding of behavior as a form of communication should be enhanced. In addition, each family member will feel understood and validated as personal feelings and struggles are identified in the stories of others. Relatives, teachers, adoption professionals, social service social workers and mental health professionals will find this book essential if they truly want to understand the perspective of the child and his or her adoptive family. The letting go of the old expectations in the section on grief and the acceptance of a new normal in family relationships provides a fitting resolution to this realistic, insightful book. Joanne May, Ph.D. “Kudos to Arleta James, who has filled a gap in the classic adoption literature with this book devoted to the well-being of siblings. Her book is not only thorough, but thoroughly enjoyable. In particular I liked her charts, including her easy-to-follow trajectories of children’s needs from placement into the coming years, and her Mobilization Inventory to help all family members to stay healthy. Thanks, Arleta, for this excellent resource. I will be referring to it in my practice and trainings.” Deborah Gray, MSW, MPA Author of Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience after Neglect and Trauma (2007) “Thank you, Arleta, for providing for us an extremely important book that should be required reading for prospective adoptive parents and social workers involved in all facets of adoption. What a fantastic basis for discussion as we design, develop, and implement preparation for post-placement supportive programs. As this book documents so well, no one’s needs—parents or children—can be put “on hold” until healing has occurred. In fact, as many of us doing this type of parenting will acknowledge, total “healing” may never occur. We do know, however, that how we parent our children has a chance of at least making our grandchildren’s lives better. In my experience, that has served as a realistic expectation and goal. Thank you for providing some tools for us to ponder and use Barbara Tremitiere, MSW, PhD “The child welfare field, parent and practitioner, will unquestionably welcome this comprehensive guidebook to the world of adoption. Parents and potential parents, caseworkers, and therapists are given a great deal to ponder. This is ultimately a book about understanding, about communicating, and about normalizing adoptive family life….and it gives hope throughout. The ‘real life’ family examples are excellent, as are the resources found at the end of each chapter. Although self-defined as a book about siblings in adoption, it actually goes far beyond sibling issues. Rather, it offers a great deal of valuable information for families who are still without children, or who have no birth children, and who are considering their first adoption. There is a wealth of relevant statistics, and an in-depth realistic approach to adoption. Congratulations to Arleta James, who reaches out personally to each reader.” Maris Blechner, M.Ed. LCSW |